Ode to Henk, Verse 12

They blocked The Henk and his pool grew narrow, shallower every day.

He missed his bevy of naive babes, captive to his way.

He scrolls but there’s nothing in sight of a soft face or winsome smile,

No gentle hands or exposed midriff to tease him gently through his trial.

Where are the honeys he liked to torment with his ball-cupping antics?

Why have they all quit Tinder and his sexual semantics?


‘The women are long gone!’ says Henk and sadly shakes his head.

‘I’ll have to buy a cantaloupe and fuck a hole in that instead.’


Ode to Henk, Verse 11

Susie lingered on the app, then deleted it forever.

The sisters took up kick-boxing and go on dates together.

Antoinette took it to her book group and oh how they laughed.

Josephine showed her mother and the woman was aghast!

Some remained to date again and did the world that favour,

For many swiping left or right had lost most of its flavour.


Ode to Henk, Verse 10

‘It’s best to tell you what I like and you can judge from that,’

He’s a lovable scoundrel looking for love like any alley cat.

As the days go by the blocks come up and Henk must move his pasture.

He believes it costs little to be asked, but far more for the asker.

The price he pays in his search for love is his cheap cross to bear

And callous block after callous blocking woman doesn’t care.


Ode to Henk, Verse 9

He’d sent the message fifty times, to so many different ladies.

He imagined prying open minds to usher into Hades.

A pentecostal shriek cut loose as he tweaked his chaffing nipples

He imagined streaks of bewildered girls moving time in ripples.

All the while he gasped away in merry contemplation,

How glad he was for human beings to aid his masturbation.


Ode to Henk, verse 8

Confusion grew and grew and spilled, finally congealing

Into cold and rigid shock with little sign of healing.

Women far and wide and near were too disgusted to complain,

And those who tried to report this man- their efforts were in vain.

‘There’s nothing against the rules here girls,’ the terms and conditions said.

‘What’s wrong with a bit of saucy fun? That’s life. Don’t lose your head!’


Ode to Henk, verse 7

‘He wants to what my what?!’ cried Susie and dropped her brand new phone.

Two sisters got it both at once and ran all the way home.

This ‘Henk’ is in their neighbourhood and knows their pretty faces,

Who knows what vileness he’d commit to get into their graces.

‘Did he write it just for me?’ ‘Did I invite this?’ ‘Gracious!’

‘Did he think I’d go for that?’ ‘Can he be that audacious?’


Ode to Henk, verse 6

He composes his message with a shuddering grin, tender impulse flaring,

As he writes his need to tie your legs behind you for a pairing.

He’ll yank your hair to show how he rejects your social mores:

Henk will rub you over with bacon fat and fist you on all-fours.

He believes that love will conquer all and that means laying back

In a very particular way to help his angle of attack.